Getting to the heart of what’s cooking in your relationship
A particular area of focus for me is working with couples to navigate the terrain of their relationships.
We usually embark on relationships with hope and good intent. We believe in the positives of committing to our partner.
How do relationships that seemed to be ‘cooking with fire’ at the start, end up extinguished and stagnant or destroyed by the fire of conflict?
Popular culture seeds in us the myth of finding ‘the one true love’ and of a romance where we are the centre of each other’s worlds and prioritise our partner’s needs. Forever.
We hear how, if we chose correctly, our partners make us feel complete, energised, happy and safe. Forever.
Reality is different. Relationships have much to deal with and ‘forever’ is a long time. Time does not stand still, and our worlds are in perpetual motion. We each grow and change. Events and environments shift our perspectives. While we are distracted by everything we need to manage in life, our relationship evolves to a point beyond recognition. We find ourselves a long way from the romance we initially embarked on.
Mostly, couples struggle alone before reaching out for help, perpetuating the myth of the perfect, self-sufficient, romance. Their decision to come to therapy is a ‘last resort’. Sadly, by this time, their resources are low, the relationship is in crisis and things can feel hopeless.
What triggers a couple to seek therapy might include:
- A major significant event has knocked the relationship off course (trauma, illness, loss, grief).
- Multiple issues that have built up over time. Their intensity and impact on the relationship have amplified.
- A belief that the relationship is at risk.
- The decision to separate.
- A desire to move the relationship forward in a different way and to grow.
- A new relationship where couples want to invest in groundwork from the start and explore how they complement and challenge each other.
Together, we can explore the above as well as anything else you may wish to navigate.